Going on holidays means you should be able to relax. However, I have formulated 5 explosive reasons why you shouldn't relax. Because as everyone knows, if you drop your lady balls (which are the size of bowling balls, instead of the size of a males supposed masculinity, and carry much more with higher function), you may as well call the ambulance to pick you up for a proper holiday inside a padded cell. There is something attractive about that, don't you think?
Take it from my experience, do not relax! EVER!
1. You forget about the mirror and your regime of plucking and discover you have a goatee worthy of a few Balinese plaits!
2. You didn't hide the treats well enough and now there is crushed up tiny teddies, chocolate and cheesy poofs all through the bedding. You sweep them up but get distracted only to hear your children crunching on something at birds fart the following day.... Yes the swept up, broken tiny teddies and random food with sand, dirt and fluff is a tasty snack for all hours.
3. While you're reading a paragraph of a magazine (you actually understood the words) the kids open a nail polish shop and Nicholas covers himself in blue polish!
4.You drink several bottles of 5 seeds apple cider because you are thirsty NOT because you're about to kill your kids.
5. You give your 20 month old child a drink of water to only realise after three sips the kids have used the same water to keep a tiny frog.... Fortunately Nicholas has shown no signs of a near fatality but the girls a shitty that he hasn't turned into a prince!
And the Bonus..... You enjoy the local community pool too much, and after some chatting and hair shaking, to your horror you see both nipples proudly stiff, smiling out of the top of your cossies! #nophotos
Lesson learnt, don't drop your lady balls on holidays! But ohhh it feels good!
What happened when you last dropped your lady balls?
