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When Kermit the Frog said 'it's not easy being green', I really understand him.
My whole life I have found it hard to be me. The thing is I actually like myself, even with all my flaws. The fight is two pronged however.
Firstly my desperation for people to understand where I am coming from (in other words, my core values and what makes me tick). Secondly knowing that my values are my own and remaining steadfast to them means learning and accepting that others won't always understand or even want to understand what I bring to the table.
The pre-reading post by Deb at Home Life Simplified: Define your personal values had me work on my list of core values. All the values I listed pointed back to one key theme, being true to myself. It was then I came to realise that this has been my personal tug-o-war and will probably remain so for my eternity.
The tug-o-war is the internal and external influences that say what is right and what should be done. The battle (or unrefined skill some might say) is my personal highest ranking anti-value of apathy. I HATE APATHY. I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees. Yes, I'd rather die being me than live an age not caring cause its too hard. Apathy is followed closely by the values of:
- I work hard to be the first in every line, at all costs (consumed by oneself/narcissism/not for the greater good)
- Playing dirty to get what I want, I like to see people suffer (injustice and manipulation)
- My way is the only way, agree or suffer my wrath (intolerance)
My anti-values is what I think makes me abrasive to certain types of personalities. I get along with so many people but the ones who are all for themselves and not the greater good and proud of it, well, we can never be friends. We are polar opposites.
My top 5 core values seem to be enmeshed. I find they don't vary too much, they may even be the same. I think having these particular values then influences a range of other values and behaviour, thus my choices and internal conflicts, my over complication of things that can be simplified.
Integrity
The opposite to hypocrisy. The honesty, truthfulness and accuracy of my actions. This can be a difficult value to have when people misunderstand my actions and motivations. This might be part of being a Gemini, the most frustrating thing is not being given an opportunity to explain myself and to have misconceptions about my actions.
I get insulted when my actions are questioned. This is where I have trouble being me, but I will always back myself knowing this is the unfailing consistency of my being. Of course there will be some type of conflict because the value system of others with whom I struggle is ranked differently.
Righteousness
My definition of righteousness comes from the catholic gospel values. It is about having the right relationships with truth and justice. I have no interest in false or conditional relationships, I find they poison my mental and emotional wellbeing and the cost to me is a price I am not willing to pay (again).
If I can't be accepted for what I bring to the table, I never will be. I prefer to have my internal struggle with myself than march to the beat of someone else and loose my soul and everything I stand for. Being righteous means baring ridicule and persecution because this value burns in your heart. Call me Gandalf fighting that demon on the bridge 'you shall not pass'.
Authenticity
This is intertwined with integrity and righteousness. The truthfulness of origins, sincerity, attributes and commitments. I can see how this value can make my life complex by my innate devotion to do what I say I will do, to keep my overcommitments.
I say what I mean, I will call things as I see it. I am not afraid of people attempting to silence the injustices I see.
I am true to my origins, I don't forget where I have come from but I also love to learn about and immerse myself in things I never knew existed. I love the evolution process that comes with age. Sometimes it's not easy, but it is good for the character. Over time I can see how I have shifted from being linear to learning more and understanding the origin of difference. I am trying to learn more about the dots on the graph than just the graph axis.
In the blogging world this term and value is often talked about. The other day I was reading some post, I think by an American blogger (sorry I can't recall to source the context) explaining that largely bloggers will show only a few dimensions of their life and other bloggers and readers cannot compare their reality to what is shown on someones page. I had a bit of trouble with this and I can also see why I have trouble being heard by my concerned family and friends about me blogging.
Perception is I can be too authentic and too honest. I shouldn't talk about difficulties, thoughts, mental health issues and the like. It's not fit to talk about and it exposes me to the delight and satisfaction of some. Why not, I say? Why do you let people know this about you?
My attitude is that it just can't be my reality, I can't be the only one feeling the way I do. By sharing and talking, taboos can become unstable and give rise to freedom, to take away the shame. I stand by myself, I know my intentions are good, if there is a price to pay, I will pay it, at least I can sleep at night.
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Love
It may be a virtue but I will still link it here. I include kindness, compassion, empathy and affection. The concern for the good of another. I've always been drawn to the concept and actions for the greater good. The underdog, those who need protection particularly when others selfishness makes the vulnerable downtrodden.
This is a value that I have an intense passion for. It can make me unpopular with the 'in crowd' so I have learned but it has never stopped me. Here also fits injustice. The imbalance of life can outrage me, emotional short cuts have to be paid for somewhere in this life, I have to hold on to that.
Love drives my relationships which are conglomerated in the value of righteousness. I love love. It's warmth and tenderness and also its toughness. If you don't care about people you stop trying with them. The pain of trying is worth it to show how much you love and how much you're loved. Marriage and parenting are an enormous gift with the ties that bind being in love.
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Joyful
God knows I like to have fun, I like to celebrate life and people, the goodness, the light, the love. I love a project or two, I am a leader. I embrace the process and its ups and downs and I am radiated by the achievement and the fun and creativity had with people to the end of the task. I have made great friends in such ways and connected with people on various levels which has been enlightening.
I love colour and the vibrancy that the universe bestows. There is so much fun to be had, I detest feeling like I am not progressing in some manner but I am slowly learning that good things take time and to trust that when the time is right the path will appear. I just have to know it when I see it.
I am linking up with all the lovelies and Deb at Home Life Simplified for the 52 week simplify your life challenge. Anyone can play!
What are your core values?
What are the benefits and difficulties associated with them?
